What Could Have Been...

this post isn't really about Japan. but i guess Japan was an instigator.

some of you know, some of you don't, but i used to be a competitive gymnast. i started gymnastics when i was about 2 1/2 years old, after teaching myself how to do a forward roll while watching the World Championships on TV. after that, i lived and breathed gymnastics. a tape of the World Championships with my idol Kim Zmeskal was labeled "Kimi's Favorite Gymnastics Tape." i got asked to join my first team when i was 4 years old. when i was 5, i moved to World Olympic Gymnastics Academy (WOGA) where i spent the next 6 years of my life working my butt off with the dream of an Olympic medal. i had 2 mats, a beam, a chin up bar and a trampoline in my room. gymnastics was my identity. i was training Level 9, and in another few years those Olympic dreams might have come true. but i quit. because all the other girls on my team started homeschooling and i didn't want to. i didn't want to completely give up my life for Olympic dreams. because what if they stayed just that- dreams? i didn't want to take the risk.

last night i went to the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium and saw the US Women's Gymnastics team win the team final at the World Championships. it was so exciting, but i felt almost detached from it all. maybe because deep down i wanted so badly for it to be me on that podium. i looked at those girls, 6-7 years younger than me, and i saw a dream i'd never get. i googled USA Gymnastics tonight and one of the first images to come up was an iconic poster of Kim Zmeskal in a signature pose- a poster i had on my wall for years as a child, a poster i looked at every day and thought "someday, that's going to be me." and it made me look back and wonder what might have happened if i hadn't quit. would i have been on that 2004 or 2008 Olympic team. the past 2 Olympic All-Around gold medalists (Carly Patterson and Nastia Liukin) were from my old gym, WOGA. could i have been with them?

it's hard for me to say i regret quitting. because i quit gymnastics, i was able to reclaim my childhood and lead a relatively normal teenage life, i fell in love with dance and theatre, i had friends outside of gymnastics and enjoyed normal middle school and high school activities. i was able to go to USC and discover who i really am and rediscover a relationship with Jesus. i'm in Japan right now because of USC Cru. i wouldn't have had any of those experiences if i'd stayed in gymnastics. and i was still able to do high school gymnastics and became the first girl from my school to ever make the Texas National Team and compete at Nationals. i ended my career on a good note. making the National Team was one of the best moments of my life. but still... it's hard not to wonder, especially when i watch a huge gymnastics competition.

i seem to have this thing where because i enjoy many different things, i never really commit to one thing. i used to think that it made me unique, but i'm not sure if it's actually good. because i think it gives me an excuse to never really take a chance. never really give it my all. i could have been a great gymnast. but i quit. and watching Glee tonight, i realized i never really committed to theatre or dancing either. i didn't really quit those either, but i never put in as much effort as i could because i was doing 20 other different things. and now i'm in Japan, and i love it, and i know God has called me here, but it's hard not to see my friends in LA or New York living their dreams and not wish i was there too. but at the same time, i'm a bit afraid that if i was, would i be good enough?

isn't that what we're always wondering? am i good enough? what if i'm NOT good enough? thankfully we have a God whom we don't have to compete for, we don't have to try for, because He loves us already. He loves us even when we fall, when we fail, when we screw up. and that alone should make us good enough.

TOKYO STINT: TAKE 2

one week ago i left for Japan for my second year of STINT (Short-Term International Intern) with Campus Crusade for Christ. yesterday i realized that it was my one year anniversary of when i arrived in Tokyo last year. it was weird. and cool. and crazy. and once again, just weird that it's been a year.

when i arrived at my apartment, i was greeted by Jessica, an International Campus Staff (ICS) who lives 2 doors down from me, and my new roommate Christina, who is also an ICS. right before i arrived in Tokyo, Christina broke one arm and sprained the other in a bike accident so she had one arm in a sling when i arrived. we've gotten very close this past week because i've had to help her a lot but her right arm (the sprained one) has gotten so much stronger and she can do a lot more by herself now. Wednesday and Thursday i spent getting paperwork in order to renew my visa, and Friday i submitted all my paperwork.

these past few days i've been feeling the impact of the responsibility of being the only Japan re-stinter. i never really realized how much i relied on the re-stinters last year, to answer questions, to take me places, etc. now i'm the one who has to know where to go, like our other Japan CCC office or the Immigration Office. i've been learning to get to as many places as i can so i can show my team once they arrive. one exciting new place Christina took me to- a soft cream shop in Mitaka! the owner is sooo nice and i got pumpkin soft cream. sounds weird but it was delicious!
i've also been slowly easing back into ministry- Friday night i went to Paddy (Waseda English Club) for the first time and it was such a joy to see old friends and meet new ones! it was a bit bittersweet though- i definitely missed my former teammate Ariel- he was the one who first introduced me to Paddy and brought me up as his Paddy protege. and now he's gone and i'm the one to pass the torch to the new stinters. it's weird. i feel old. and once again, responsible.

Saturday i did some laundry and cleaning and spent several hours sorting through and translating the 180 emails i had on my phone from Odori Samurai, my traditional Japanese dance group- they have a mailing list that they use to send emails to all 150 members, and while many of the emails were about practices or festivals i missed while i was in America, there were about 50 that i had to struggle to translate or have someone else translate for me so i could see if they were important. it was rather tedious to say the least, or as we say in Japan, "mendokusai"(or めんどくさい). missing 3 months of practice and festivals has left me very behind. i'm planning on going to practice at least 3 times this week to try and get caught up a bit. they've learned some new dances that i'm not sure if i'll be able to learn, but i'm hopeful. they are about to transition into new leaders for the year, and the new president/leader is my friend Rock, who speaks English relatively well. i sent him an email saying i was back in Tokyo, and he asked me to call him, so i did, and i realized that he probably hasn't spoken english since i left Japan. he sounded a bit nervous on the phone. but i really appreciated his effort. it is going to be a challenge to catch up though, which makes me nervous since i always feel a bit behind already since i normally don't understand what's going on during practices. i'm going to go to practice tonight for the first time and not gonna lie, i'm nervous. i hope they're excited that i'm back...it's so easy to believe the lies Satan puts in my head that i'm annoying or am a burden to them. i'm excited to see them though- they are such wonderful crazy Japanese people.

Sunday i went back my church, New Hope, and it was such a blessing to see everyone and worship together. the hula praise team performed too which is always a treat-
it's such a blessing that even though i'm halfway around the world, i can still worship God with other brothers and sisters. please please please keep praying that my new team of brothers and sisters can come to Japan by the end of this week! still no word on their CoEs...and 4 of them are still raising support. if you would like to support them, please go to http://give.ccci.org and search either Amanda Sever, Christine Harada, Amy Ledin or Nikki Maldonado. (as of now, Amanda and Christine need the most support)

thank you for your interest in God's work in Japan! God bless!

D-DAY

Well, it's official.

Friday night I received word from my coordinator that after a long wait, 3 weeks past our original departure date, I am finally returning to Tokyo to begin my STINT Year #2 this Monday, September 26th, aka tomorrow morning. I depart from Dallas/Fort Worth at 9:50 am and arrive in Tokyo approximately 3:15 pm on Tuesday.

Unfortunately, the rest of my team has still had no word regarding their paperwork needed to get their visas (called Certificates of Eligibility), and therefore will be unable to travel with me. It seems unlikely that they will be able to leave before October 1st, and so their support-raising deadline has been pushed back to Thursday. Please continue to pray both for their remaining funds and their Certificates of Eligibility to come in as soon as possible so that they may join me quickly and we can begin our STINT year as a team. Please especially pray for my teammate Amanda Sever, who still needs to raise about $15,000. If you would like to support her financially, you can go to her giving page here: https://give.ccci.org/give/View/0646423.

Once I secure my own visa renewal in Japan and get settled in, I will begin to rebuild connections with students I met this past year and start to rebuild a foundation my team can grow on this year. Hopefully by then my team will have joined me and we can begin ministry together.

This morning at church we sang my favorite song, entitled "Your Love Never Fails." There is a line that says "You make all things work together for my good," based on Romans 8:28. It reminded me that even though my STINT year has not started out as I had planned, God has a plan and purpose in it.

It doesn't feel like I'm leaving tomorrow though. It feels like a normal Sunday evening. I'm sitting on the couch with my grampa watching football highlights. The only differences seem to be that my dad is cooking hamburgers and onion rings in my honor and I can no longer find my bed underneath the mountains of things that should be packed away in my suitcase already. I've made progress though- the mountain used to be in a pile on my floor and big round chair, now it's semi-organized and transferred to my bed. That's progress, right? ........we'll see if I end up sleeping tonight. The one nice thing about a 12 hour flight is that I can sleep a lot. And I'll be flying by myself, so unless my future husband ends up sitting next to me, I don't have any obligation to talk to anyone and can get lots of sleep.

AHHHHHHHHHH I LEAVE TOMORROW! Now it's slowly starting to hit me....after all this anticipation and waiting, it's finally happening, but my brain hasn't processed it yet. Hopefully once I get there it will sink in once I realize no one is speaking English.

Please be praying for my team, for a safe flight and for an easy transition back to Japanese life! God bless!

DOWN TO THE WIRE

SO
Here's the situation.

1. Our deadline for support is THIS TUESDAY, September 20th. In 3 days, my entire team MUST be at 100%. FIVE of my teammates are still struggling to finish raising their support. Please prayerfully consider investing in God's work in Japan and financially supporting us. Or if there is anyone you know who might be interested in giving, please let me know as soon as possible. All donations are tax-deductible. The easiest way to give is to go to Campus Crusade's giving website: You can either give to me directly at https://give.ccci.org/give/View/0635409 and I will transfer the funds to the person who is most in need, or you can go to http://give.ccci.org and search either Nicole Maldonado, Amy Ledin, Amanda Sever, Christine Harada or Albert Li. If you have any questions please email or call me!

2. It seems unlikely that my team would be able to get their visas by September 26th. The earliest they could receive their Certificates of Eligibility would be Thursday or Friday; however, many of the Japanese consulates will be closed Friday, so they would have to get their visas Monday the 26th. As far as i know, our coordinators are changing our flights to Tuesday, September 27th in the hope that the rest of my team can get their visas by then. I MUST leave by the 27th to renew my visa in Japan. Please be praying that God would work a miracle and that my team and I can all go to Japan together!

3. Due to the falling exchange rate (76 yen to the dollar) Campus Crusade for Christ has actually increased our support goals by about $2,000 in order to prevent us from running out of money this year. This is especially hard on my teammates who are still raising support. Once again, please consider investing in God's work in Japan this year and helping them out.

Even if you cannot support my team financially, please pray for their visas to be expedited and that God would give us patience and protect all of us from discouragement during these next few days. We feel like Satan is doing everything he can to prevent us from getting to Japan, but we also feel like it's because God has crazy awesome things in store for us this year. Please pray for our protection and for God's provision!

Thank you so much for your commitment to prayer- prayer is so powerful and it is your prayers and support that make all we do in Japan possible! You are the backbone of our ministry, and we are so blessed by your prayers and support!

Anniversaries of Tragedies

i meant to write this on September 11th. but that didn't happen. but i thought i should write anyway.

September 11, 2011. 10 years ago, terrorists thought they could destroy a nation with hate. instead it was unified in love. 6 months ago, a tsunami threatened to destroy another nation with despair. Instead it too was unified. let us never forget these 2 tragedies, never forget the love that binds us together, and the hope that keeps us alive.

it's hard to believe that it's been 10 years since 9/11. it's harder to believe that it's been 6 months since the Tohoku Earthquake and tsunami. seems like both happened yesterday. i'll never forget where i was when both happened. i'll never forget the feeling of my bed shaking just as i lay down to take a nap. last night my dog was lying on my bed and panting, making my bed shake a bit. i still automatically tensed up, even though i knew it was my dog causing the shaking.

but even though it's been such a long time, the pain of those who suffered from both tragedies never really goes away. Japan looks like it's rebuilding, that it's recovering, but it's going to take many, many years for Japan to recover. and even longer for the Japanese people.

even though the news is no longer reporting the tragedy, never forget. never forget to pray for this country that is in such dire need of hope, of love, of a Savior.

i compiled footage taken when we went to do relief work in Tohoku- please feel free to share with others.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71jy-kTVzWQ

SPEED FUN, or Briefing Take 2

so i feel like i have a ton to catch up on- at the same time, if you look at the big picture not a ton has happened. i've been in the states about 2 months, and most of that time has been re-raising support. but God has been working in crazy ways in these past 2 months.

i arrived back in the states assuming i'd have at least 2 months to re-raise my support. CCC raised our support goal to $53,000 for this next year due to the abominable exchange rate, so i knew i'd have my work cut out for me. then on August 1st, i received an email from CCC saying that because i had not met 100% of my goal, i needed to immediately submit a deadline extension request application.

...........................wait.
.............................................what?????

i was at 37% when i received this email. a momentary feeling of panic welled up inside me, but i took a deep breath, filled out the deadline extension request, emailed it back to our coordinator, and then sent an email out to all my supporters with the subject line: EMERGENCY!!!!!!! PLEASE READ!!!! (thank you to all of you who responded to that, by the way- y'all are amazing). i received a 6 day extension, and while i later found out that the August 1st deadline was mostly for first-years so they could get their insurance by September 1st, i did still try and raise as much support as i could- in fact, God provided me with 50% of my support in just those 6 days! i could hardly believe it- God is so good, and has proven over and over how much bigger He is than financial need, and yet for some reason i am always surprised when He comes through like that! why is it so crazy that God would provide that much money in such a short time? our God can do ANYTHING. He's bigger than money, He's bigger than deadlines, and i know that, but i'm still blown away by His grace and goodness every time He provides.

God has since then actually provided me with extra support so that i've been able to help out other teammates who are struggling to finish raising. if you have promised to support me and have not yet done so, i ask that you would consider supporting one of my teammates- you can either still give to my account (go to http://give.ccci.org and search Kimiyo Brown) and i will transfer it to theirs, or i can give you the account number of the teammate who needs it the most.

August 13th-19th i joined over 400 other STINTers for STINT Briefing 2011 in Chicago. it was a bit surreal at first to be honest, mostly because it was in the same location, i was going back to Tokyo, and yet i was with an entirely new team. it was weird. it was strange to be a 2nd year, a re-STINTer. i felt like it was senior year. i felt like the big kid. on my team last year, i was the second youngest (by a month), and to be honest probably acted like it. i asked a million questions every day and followed the re-STINTers around. but this year, it's completely different. i have to be the one who knows what's going on. i have to be the one who knows how to do things and where things are. while there's one other re-STINTer on my team, she STINTed in East Asia last year, and so i'm the only Japan re-STINTer. it's a very different role to be in. i do love my new team though and i'm so excited to work with them this year. here they are:
(from left)
Kylan Schroeder: our last minute recruit when we needed another guy- he was on my Tokyo Summer Project in 2009
Nikki Maldonado: another theater major from Texas who loves to dance. we're basically the same person. it's kind of awesome.
Amy Ledin: she was also on my 2009 Tokyo Summer Project and just graduated from ASU
Amanda Sever: also just graduated from ASU- she's the only one on our team who's never been to Japan but i'm so encouraged by her willingness to serve in a country she's never been to
Katie Dianrich: she actually spent her first 12 years of life in Tokyo while her parents were on staff with Campus Crusade, so it's pretty sweet to have a Tokyo native on our team
Sarah Eudaly: our new girl team leader. last year she stinted in East Asia, so she and i are the 2 re-stinters on the team
Christine Harada: Japanese-American; she just graduated from with an architecture degree from UCSB
Albert Li: our new guy team leader. he just graduated with an engineering degree from UCSB

*** in this picture is also Sam Lee, a KCCC Stinter who will be going to Osaka this year. we fought to get him on our team but God wants him in Osaka. we'll get to see him a few times this year though! ***

right now we're all back in our respective hometowns. we're all still raising support and preparing for Japan, but i'm still not sure when i'll be able to leave. we were supposed to leave September 4th, but at briefing we found out that my team's Certificates of Eligibility weren't turned in until August 15th. it felt very reminiscent of last year. the situation now is that the rest of my team must wait for their Certificates of Eligibility to be processed by the Japanese government before they can get their visas, the exact same position Henry, Michelle and i were in last year. apparently our coordinator has plane tickets for September 26th on hold....i'm desperately hoping and praying we can leave earlier though. there's a slight possibility that i could be allowed to leave earlier if one of the new International Campus Staff (ICS), a girl named Christina Eads, finishes raising her support and leaves in the middle of September. she will actually probably be one of my new apartment-mates.

i know this is all in God's timing, but it IS a bit frustrating to not know when i'm leaving AGAIN, and that there's the possibility of not even being able to go to Japan with my team AGAIN. even though i have my visa and my support, our directors don't want me to leave by myself, which i understand. but i am also anxious to get back to Japan as quickly as possible. there are several students who are leaving to study abroad in the middle of September, so i was so excited to be back by September 4th because i'd be able to see them before they left. i had prayed for humility the day we found out about the delays....learning we would not be leaving when we expected definitely humbled me and reminded me that i can't control anything (especially on STINT). seems to be one of those lessons i need to learn over and over. but i also know that God's got us. that God is bigger than visas, bigger than support raising, and bigger than my own little ministry. He blew our expectations out of the water this year, and i know that He has crazy plans for Japan this year. and it will be in His timing. not mine.

EMERGENCY!!!!

So when I returned to the States 5 weeks ago, I assumed that I would have until September 1st to re-raise all my support in order to return to Japan as a STINTer September 4th.

Apparently, this was not the case. Apparently, I was supposed to have raised all 100% of my support ($53,000) by August 1st, that is, YESTERDAY.

I received an email a couple hours ago saying that because I was not yet at 100%, I needed to immediately fill out a deadline extension request in the hope that Campus Crusade for Christ will give me extra time to raise my support.

I CURRENTLY ONLY AT 37%, AND STILL NEED $33,000 IN ORDER TO RETURN TO JAPAN.
And unfortunately, I need this IMMEDIATELY.

If you are considering supporting me financially this year, or you have promised to give but have not yet pledged a specific amount, please let me know AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I do NOT have to have this money in hand immediately; however, i DO need it to be pledged. As long as I have the amount pledged, whether it is through a monthly gift or a one-time gift, I will still be allowed to return to Japan.

Tonight I received a message from Yusuke, one of the Japanese students who became a Christian just a couple months ago- he said, "You guys changed my life!! We need stinters!!!" It is for students like Yusuke that I so dearly wish to return to Japan and continue God's work there. The Japanese are desperately crying out for hope and love right now- please consider investing in their eternal salvation.

The easiest way to support God's work in Japan is to go to Campus Crusade's giving website- https://give.ccci.org/give/View/0635409 This link will take you directly to my giving page, where you have the option to support me through a monthly donation or a one-time gift.

I also desperately need prayer right now, that God would provide the $33,000 and that Campus Crusade would give me an extension. I know I am called to return to Japan, and I know that God will provide.

If you have any questions, would like to hear more about my ministry in Japan, or know of anyone who would also be interested in my ministry, please feel free to call me (214.282.3988) or email me anytime at kimiyo.brown@gmail.com

God bless you all,
Kimi Brown