SURRENDERING...

ok firstly, i must preface these posts with a disclaimer:

capitalization stifles my creative genius. therefore, i will be using capital letters as little as possible. if you have a particular issue with this, i do apologize, and ask that you show me grace and tolerance in this. moving on.

this blog has so far been the home to posts about the two Campus Crusade Summer Projects (short term missions) i've gone on. both have been to Tokyo, Japan. both were amazing experiences, and they not only grew me as a person and a Christian, they gave me a lasting heart for Japan. they showed me firsthand the pain and suffering of the Japanese. wait a minute, you say. Japan? it's one of the most financially successful countries in the world- how on earth are they suffering? statistically, less than 1% (approximately 0.5-0.7%, to be exact) of the Japanese population is Christian. over 100 people commit suicide every day because they have no hope of anything beyond this life. their culture is centered around guilt and shame- if they fail in any way, their immediate reaction is to feel that they have dishonored their families. their only knowledge of religion is of the millions of gods in Shintoism, and the rules and regulations of Buddhism, neither of which is fulfilling or life-giving. materialism is their main god these days. also, as anyone who has worshiped Materialism before knows, it too is not very fulfilling.

last summer, when i returned from my second Tokyo mission trip, i felt that at some point, God would call me back to Japan; however, i didn't want to work for Cru. ever. honestly, one of the main reasons was because i didn't want to raise support. but God called me out on that. this past march-april, he had 3 different people suggest that i STInt in Tokyo. the first time i ignored him. the 2nd time i did actually look at the application, but it was already a month after the deadline, and i decided that if God really wanted to me to work for Cru, i would have already applied. ha. silly kimi. the 3rd time happened april 14, 2010. i was sitting in The Lot at USC with my discipler Trina (trina this is all your fault) and she says, "so i don't know if anyone's talked to you, but they still need one more girl to go to Tokyo next year or they can't send a STINT team. do you want to go?" my first reaction was to look at the ceiling and say "really, God? really? COME ON!" but i felt an undeniable pull on my heart, and all the sudden it started to beat really fast like when you see someone you have a crush on. we prayed for discernment, and Trina gave me the phone # of the STINT coordinator. we went to the weekly Cru meeting, and they played the songs "I Surrender," "I Will Rise" and "Savior, Please" and i just started crying during them- i don't normally cry much, so this was weird. if you've never heard these songs, you should go listen to them right now.

after the meeting, i decided to go ahead and call the STINT coordinator- i left a message saying i was interested and to let me know if they still needed someone. she called me back about 11 pm that night and said great that's awesome you need to decide by tomorrow. i thought- excuse me? tomorrow? tomorrow's in like one hour what do you mean tomorrow? she gave me some more details, and told me if i decided to apply i would have to go to training friday- sunday. i asked to call her back the next day, as i was still waiting to hear back from Dallas Theological Seminary, i had a performance friday night, and was supposed to film two scenes that weekend. i called the directors and rescheduled, then i biked over to my Bible study Artists in Action (it doesn't start til 10 pm so it was still going on), simultaneously called my mother (forgetting it was 1:30 am her time) and said "so i may be going to Japan for a year to intern with Campus Crusade and i have to decide by tomorrow pray for me k love you bye." bless her. went to Bible study and my friends prayed for me. i was kind of freaking out by that point, not knowing what to do and nervous because of the time constraint. 2 people i talked to said, " y'know kimi i think you really just need to SURRENDER." that darn word again! ok fine God, i said. i'll surrender. i'll apply for STINT. but if i go through all this effort and stress and don't get accepted, i'm not going to be happy! so with that resolution in my mind, i went home and checked my email, where, lo and behold, an email from Dallas Theological Seminary was waiting for me saying i had been accepted. while excited, i think i was more happy that i wouldn't have to make an awkward call to admissions and say something like "so uh i kind of need to know if i've been accepted or not because i may go to Japan for a year instead..." keep in mind, this has all happened in about 5 hours. the next morning i called the admissions office and asked if i could defer for a year. they said of course no problem we'll take care of it right now. well that was easy, i thought. maybe God really does want me in Japan. i called my parents, who were both supportive of my adventure. i called the STINT coordinator back and said ok i'm in- i cleared my weekend, i deferred seminary, i talked to my parents- what now? she said, do you have any idea how crazy this is? i said, i'm trying not to think about it- i'm just surrendering! she said to apply and then go to training that weekend. so i applied. and went to training. and then waited 3 weeks to be officially accepted. but then i was. accepted, that is. and all the sudden it was real- i was interning in Tokyo for a year with the organization i'd told myself i'd never work for, needing to raise the $48,000 of support i'd told myself i'd never have to raise. God's ironic like that.