ReLENTing

today is Ash Wednesday in the States, and the first day of Lent. it was yesterday here. today is thursday. and the second day of Lent.

Lent is a 40-day period starting on Ash Wednesday until Easter. The purpose is preparing the believer's heart for Holy Week and Easter through prayer, repentance, and self-denial or sacrifice. During Lent, it is common to give up one thing for 40 days that has a strong hold over you, something you are either addicted to or just something that would be difficult to live without, basically something that would be a sacrifice- as a reminder that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, that He gave up his LIFE for us, so that we may have eternal life. the point is to basically fast something that is keeping you from God, so that in the 40 days leading up to Easter we may cleanse ourselves and draw closer to God.

i've observed Lent for a number of years now, though growing up i wasn't too good at keeping my Lent fast of whatever it was i was fasting. the past 4 years i gave up all sweets (which was a challenge, let me tell you). of course, when Easter came, i dug right into my Easter candy that my mother would send me... i would have probably given up sweets again this year, but last year, i was rather convicted by a friend of mine- i had mentioned that i had given up sweets for the past 4 years, and he said, "oh so you don't have to give it up anymore!" i said "huh?" he said "well, you've done it the past 4 years, so you know you could do it again. it shouldn't have a hold over you anymore." ................................convicted.

while i still love sweets, and should probably eat less (but chocolate comes from a bean so it's technically a vegetable, right?) i knew in my heart that yes, i could give it up. it would be difficult but i knew i could do it.

what is the one thing i know would be the hardest thing for me to give up, the thing i've been addicted in some form or fashion to since junior year of high school?

yep.
caffeine.
i'm giving it up. for 40 whole days. i will not let a drop of coffee, a splash of espresso, or smidgen of tea leave touch my tongue (unless the tea is non-caffeinated). today is only day 2 and my head feels like it's in a foggy haze of...i don't even know because my brain can no longer formulate words. but the point isn't to be easy. the point is to put myself in a position where i absolutely MUST rely on God for energy, strength, focus, everything. i've become way to comfortable with just stopping at Starbucks or grabbing a latte from the combini (convenience store). i've become too used to quick fixes. and quick fixes never really last. and then you aren't satisfied so you just want more and more til you're so addicted you can't ever imagine living without it. which is where i've been the past 7 years, and i'm tired of it.

now i know when you fast something you're not supposed to proclaim it to the world, and i know that by putting it on my blog i am essentially giving the world the option of looking at it if they so desire. but i write all this not for anyone else, but because I want to remember this moment. because if you knew how addicted to caffeine i've been for 7 years (i'm sure some of you do already) then you would know how big of a deal this is, and how i'm going to need all the encouragement and support i can get because it is going to be one of the hardest things i've ever done. maybe this sounds melodramatic, but the facts are that caffeine is in fact classified as a drug, and one that is very addicting and a very difficult addiction to combat. i've had a pounding headache the past 2 days and seriously feel like i'm wading through a fog. i'm used to some form of caffeine at least 3 times a day- normally coffee in the morning, a latte in the afternoon and tea in the evening (which actually isn't as bad as it used to be in high school/college where i'd have maybe 4-5 shots of espresso a day). i'm also nervous because we're entering the busiest time of our entire year and i know we won't be getting much sleep. i know i can't do it alone. but i know i've got God on my side. and i know that His strength is better than any i could ever drink from a Starbucks cup.

as the Truth says,
"Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who wait upon the Lord shall have their strength renewed. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:30-31