Being Samurai

i first saw Waseda's yosakoi soran (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yosakoi) team, Odori Samurai ("Dancing Samurai," or 踊り侍 in Japanese), during Waseda's Welcome Week in May. not gonna lie, i thought they were really cool. and i really wanted to join their group. but i had no idea how. and i couldn't find their booth to ask them. then all the sudden, i saw a girl walk right by me in her Samurai costume. i asked her if she spoke engish and she said "yes!" (that never happens in Japan- they always say "no" or "a little bit" even if they are fluent...) i told her i was interested in Samurai. she took me to the booth and introduced me to one of the leaders and gave me information. the next day they had a party for interested freshman, so myself and Ariel (one of my teammates from last year) went to the party. we met the 2 subleaders (Anzu and Jun) and they spoke some english as well! as they walked us to the party location, Anzu and i talked a lot and i shared with her i was a theatre major, and i did a few student films for my friends. she asked about them, so i told her my last one i played a ninja and someone called the cops on us because i had a katana and was dressed as a ninja. she thought it was really funny and decided then and there to nickname me "Ninja." and from that moment, i was hooked. if i had wanted to join the group before, i REALLY wanted to join then! at the party, they showed past Odori Samurai performances and i was even more hooked. it looked so cool and so much fun! there were about 150 students in the group, mostly from Waseda but from other universities as well, and they were the loudest, most outgoing Japanese students i had ever met. it seemed an ideal place to use dance to meet students and be a light in one of the biggest clubs at Waseda. so i joined.

but ever since i joined, it's been a continual battle with Satan. i'm the only foreigner in the group, and because all the practices are in Japanese, and all the emails are in Japanese, i always need translation and always feel a bit behind and lost. i must completely rely on the english-speaking Samurai to help me out. this is a huge challenge for me, because i have a natural tendency to feel that whenever i have to ask someone for something, it's a huge burden on them and i'm being annoying. which is totally untrue, but it's something i've always struggled with and here i am, placing myself in a group where i must ALWAYS ask for help. therefore, it's a daily battle with Satan, who tells me constantly that i'm a failure for not knowing Japanese well enough, that i don't really belong, that the Samurai think i'm annoying, that i'm "the foreigner," that i'm stupid because i never understand anything...of course, all of these thoughts are untrue, and i know that, but it's a major challenge to fight it all the time. but it's been such a blessing too. the Samurai are so sweet and kind and helpful, and really do make me feel loved. many of them have come up to me and want to practice English. many of them, even though they don't speak english that well, have offered to translate for me. before i left for America, they surprised me with a birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to me. when i came back to Japan, they were so excited. and they really do make an effort to make me feel included.

one day i was talking with one of the girls, debating whether or not to join in a certain festival because only a few people could go. i said maybe i wouldn't go because i wanted to let other students go. she said, "why do you feel like that? you're a Samurai!"

it was a good feeling. yeah- i AM Samurai! but it's something i have to remind myself. sometimes i really do feel on the outside. on Sunday there was a huge party, mostly a goodbye for the 3rd years who are now having to end their Samurai career and begin their job-hunting. it was fun, but i couldn't understand any of the skits, and i couldn't understand our leaders' final speeches, and it was frustrating. after the party, everyone spent a long time hanging out and talking with the 3rd years, and i couldn't even really do that because there's only so much Japanese i can say/understand...also frustrating. i very much felt like an outsider looking into a special emotional moment that i couldn't really join. on the whole it was a fun night, and it was good to see the 3rd years one more time, but it was also draining and difficult.

today's Samurai practice was near a train station i'd never been to before, Senkawa. let me explain what i go through just to get to Samurai practice. they send an email with the time and place the night before. it's in Japanese, so i have to Google Translate it. 3/4 of the time, Google is unable to translate the train station. so i have to find a Japanese friend who is online who can translate it for me. then i double check it with at least 2 people just to make sure (i've had friends be wrong before). then i look up the train route online, allowing myself at least 15-20 minutes extra so i can get their early and make sure i can meet Samurai at the station. why? because they send directions from the station in Japanese, and i can't read it. a month or so ago, i accidentally took the wrong train and ended up being really late to the station. i asked one of the train workers if they could tell me how to get to the gymnasium. he couldn't speak English or explain the directions, so the guy actually walked with me 15 minutes to the gym. it was beyond kind of him, but i was super embarrassed and really late to practice, so since then i've done my best to allow myself extra time to make sure i don't get left behind again. so once i've figured out the train route (usually the practice locations are random and far away and i have to take at least 3 different trains...) i write it down and the next day i pray like crazy i don't get lost and i would find Samurai at the station.

so today...oh today. today i got to the station, and there were several different exits. i didn't know which one to go to so i sent messages to a few of the Samurai. no one was getting back to me, and i started getting nervous. finally got a response with some landmarks of where i should be, but i didn't see any of them, and started thinking i was at the wrong station. my friend told me to ask someone where the Keio train line was and then go there. i asked. they said there was no Keio line station.....uh oh, i thought. i emailed the new Samurai leader and said i wasn't sure where i was and i'd probably be late. he actually called me to try and help me out, and he said he would send someone to come get me at the Keio line station. i went back to the station and asked one of the train workers how to get to Senkawa station's Keio line. he pulled out a map and pointed to a totally different part of Tokyo! apparently, there are TWO Senkawa stations...and they're about an hour apart from each other. and i'd gone to the wrong one. i had to call my leader and tell him it would take me almost an hour to get to the right station. he was willing to still send someone to get me, but it was a 20 minute walk from the station to the gymnasium, and i didn't want to make someone miss almost an hour of practice just to come get me...i felt like such a pain and a burden. and i felt so stupid for going to the wrong station. and guilty b/c my leader texted me and actually apologized to ME for not being able to help me better, and that made me feel bad. i came home feeling stupid and defeated. i ended up calling my friend brandon and venting, and broke down crying in the middle (this seems to be becoming a habit...need to work on that). he was very sweet but also told me i need to stop over-thinking Samurai so much, that everything they do for me proves how much they care about me, and i can't allow myself to believe the lies. he also said "i don't understand why you have such a difficult time accepting kindness from people and believing that people actually want to help you. you give so much, and yet whenever anyone helps you or is kind to you, you think it's such a burden for them. your friends want to help you. let them. also i don't understand why you don't feel like you're a part of Samurai. they think you are."

so what does it mean for me to be a member of Odori Samurai? well, it means a lot of practices, a lot of brain power, a lot of attempting to speak and listen to Japanese. it means i have a lot of chants and dance moves to memorize. it means going to a lot of places in Tokyo i've never been and sometimes getting lost. it means sometimes feeling out of the loop. but it also means i can wear my Samurai sweatpants and hoodie proudly. it means i introduce myself as Ninja. it means getting the chance to perform at huge festivals all over Japan with tons of other yosakoi teams. (this is a video of my first ever Odori Samurai yosakoi festival in Sapporo, Hokkaido- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ9L5J0jilw) it means when i talk with students, and mention i'm a member of Odori Samurai, their immediate reaction is "WOW!!! that is so cool!" i means i wear crazy awesome costumes and face paint and dye my hair to show "guts and enthusiasm." it means having a camaraderie and community of almost 150 crazy, lovable, wonderful people. here are a few memories of Samurai so far: our 2010-11 leader, nickname:Punk. his hair was really that green Jun, one of the subleaders Anzu, the sub-leader who named me Ninja
Paragon- a 3rd year who worked super hard to improve his english after meeting me Galileo, possibly the best english speaker of the 1st years- SUCH a blessing and help for me my Waseda-sai group- love these people!

we have a chant that roughly translates to "now, together with one heart, Odori Samurai is here" and our theme this year "Samurai for all, all for Samurai." it's so true. we're more than just a university club. we're a family. sometimes i just need a bit of reminding that i too am a part of it.